Cruelty Alert: PETA requesting Breast Milk Sundaes

PETA Wants Ben & Jerry’s To Switch To Breast Milk Ice Cream

Albany, NY (WGY-AM) – PETA is making a plea to ice cream giants Ben & Jerry to convert their cow’s milk operation to human breast milk.

According to the animal rights group, human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms, and would benefit human health.

No. No it wouldn’t.

In a letter dated to the ice cream giant co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman said, “The breast is best! Won’t you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow’s milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream?”

The letter comes in the wake of a report that a Swiss restaurant owner will begin purchasing women’s breast milk, and substituting that with 75% of the milk he uses in his ice cream.

Ben and Jerry’s responded by saying, “We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child.”

Translation: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! What the h*ll?!? Are they serious?

Story

Here’s the new Ben & Jerry’s Top Ten Flavor List:

  1. Breasty Garcia® Ice Cream
  2. Chocolate Chip Breast Dough Ice Cream
  3. Chocolate Fudge Breast Ice Cream
  4. Chunky Breast® Ice Cream
  5. Half Breast Ice Cream
  6. Phish Breast® Ice Cream
  7. New York Super Breast Chunk® Ice Cream
  8. Coffee Heath Breast Crunch® Ice Cream
  9. Cherry Garcia® Low Fat Frozen Breast
  10. Peanut Breast Cup Ice Cream

I went to their site and suggested the flavor: PETA Super Icy Breastcicle™ Delight. 

You know what Ben and Jerry’s really needs? More Veal flavors.

The real question – why not go after Starbucks? At least the patronage there are already used to absurd sounding orders:

“Yeah – I’ll have a Grande-SkinnyBoy-Sugarless-Caramel-Decaf-Breast-Milk-Double-Latte-No-Foam…”With room (for a little more breast milk no doubt)

You hardly notice it thrown in there.

PETA – seriously, you are your own worst enemy.

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3 Responses to “Cruelty Alert: PETA requesting Breast Milk Sundaes”

  1. Matt Turkington Says:

    I could go for a Chunky Breast (I think?), but Half Breast scares me.

    In response, here’s a letter to PETA:

    Dear PETA-
    No.
    Love,
    Matt

  2. PETA to Ben and Jerry: Use Human Milk : Stop The ACLU Says:

    […] I know there are some witty things I could throw out now, but they are alluding me….but not Jek Porkins: Here’s the new Ben & Jerry’s Top Ten Flavor […]

  3. Connie Says:

    Man, that is completely nasty….

    Thanks for giving me the laugh of the night!


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