New Update Below…
My favorite headline of the week – perhaps ever!
The parent company of the Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s fast food chains sued rival Jack In The Box Inc. on Friday to stop TV ads that it says suggest Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s use cow anus to make Angus beef hamburgers.
CKE Restaurants Inc. sued Jack In The Box in U.S. District Court on Friday over an ad in which executives laugh hysterically at the word “Angus” and another where the chain’s pingpong ball-headed mascot, Jack, is asked to point to a diagram of a cow and show where Angus meat comes from.
“I’d rather not,” the pointy-nosed Jack replies.
That’s funny, because according to Carl’s JR. ads, I had thought that they made their burgers out of sex.
“They’re not being funny,” CKE chief executive Andrew F. Puzder said Friday. “They need to stop misleading people about what Angus beef is.”
I also feel mislead by Carl’s Jr. ads, that they make their milkshakes by manhandling and shaking cattle.
Obviously, Andrew (angus) F. Puzder (a disgrace to people named Andrew) must think that Carl’s Jr. patrons are completely stupid. Thanks Puzder for holding your customers in such high intellectual regard. If I was a patron of Carl’s Jr. (which I am not because of their own scuzzy ad campaigns) I would inform Mr. “Angus” Puzder that he should “Shut his Angus!” But then again – I would be misleading him into thinking I was talking about his beef…
Feel free to leave Angus Andrew a comment here. If you decide to call, be sure to speak very slowly and use small words. That is – if we can figure out how to use a phone.
UPDATE: My letter to Mr. Anus Burgers:
This message is for Mr. Andrew F. Puzder.
Great job going after Jack in the Box! When I first saw their ad I was shocked, and without thinking at all, immediately assumed your burger patties must be completely and entirely made of cow anus.
You see, being an “average Joe consumer” – I’m obviously a stupid idiotic moron who lacks the intellect to differentiate the concepts of “Cow Anuses” and “Angus Beef”. I am so glad that you are out there “fighting the good fight” for us dolts so that I don’t have to worry about eating anus any more.
By the way, I was excited to learn that just by eating your burgers, skanky hoes would come over to my house and wash my car for free, and to make milkshakes, all I have to do is dry-hump cattle. I just can’t believe it’s that easy!
Anyway, if you get a chance during your anus law suit, you should tell those Jack in the Box jerks that next time they should try some uninspired gratuitous sexual content and lay off the creative humor.
UPDATE: Carl’s Jr. writes back…
Dear Mr. __________
Thank you for taking the time to share your Angus with us. Our goal is to make our Angus happy–every Angus, every time! Your Angus have been forwarded to our management team for their review.
Please feel free to contact us again at Angus time.
Carl’s Jr. Angus Response
On the Web at http://www.carlsangus.com