As everyone well knows, the Earth is on the way to destruction because of man’s careless action. Every decision man has made throughout human history has, in effect – set up us the bomb, and has now clearly shown to directly link to catastrophic global climate change.
With the recent decision by the top scientists of the US Supreme Court to list CO2 as an air pollutant, it is clear that if we do not act we have no chance to survive make our time. It is now the duty of every one of us to shed any critical thoughts of critical-ness and make a move to become green today.
The question is, what can you do?
Introducing – The Gaia-Christo-Verde Suit (GCV)
The Gaia-Christo-Verde Suit is a new product from the EarthPlanetGood Inc. (Don’t worry, EarthPlanetGood is a good and green corporation like Apple, Target, and Ikea – not like Walmart, ExxonMobil, or Microsoft). The basic idea behind the GCV is the total reduction of an individual’s carbon footprint. The idea for the technology sprung from the marriage of several ideas.
There are currently products available that are aiming to reduce carbon footprints – such as the laughable Global Warming Kit (seen on the right). Unfortunately, these products fall far short of achieving any real measurable change to our precious Earth, instead simply filling an emotional gap for most people as a way to feel less guilty about their destruction of the planet.
We at EarthPlanetGood Inc know that anyone who really cares about effecting global climate change must do more than purchase simple trinkets.
Secondly, EarthPlanetGood Inc is concerned about the actions taken by what are considered ‘green’ protesters. For instance, notice the blatant disregard for CO2 emissions exhibited by Earth First’s so-called ‘Mourning for Old Growth Forests’:
This wasteful and careless disregard for our planet cannot be tolerated.
It was for these reasons, EarthPlanetGood Inc. invested in creating the Gaia-Christo-Verde Suit with the goal of completely eliminating CO2, and any other destructive emissions. So, without further ado:
Not only does the Gaia-Christo-Verde Suit eliminate your carbon footprint - with it’s cool sleek design, everyone will know that you are doing all you can to save our planet. Here is a run down of some of the GCV Suit’s many Earth friendly features:
- 100% solid waste recycling system. This is achieved through a process called Ingesto-Mictural-Defecatory-Resuscitation . All human waste products (including sweat) are passed from excremental orifices through a series of tubes and into various storage sacks. The sacks then incrementally process the waste in a scientifically complicated method (illustrated on the right) best described as, ins, outs, and what-have-you’s. Once the processed waste is ‘transformed,’ it is stored and then transferred back into the wearer’s digestive system.
- 100% gaseous waste recycling system. All unnatural and destructive gaseous emissions such as CO2 and methane, are trapped in containers filled with a mysterious biomass substance (similar to plant life) that appears to be magically capable of converting these totally deadly pollutants back into Earth friendly forms (almost as if it were a natural process…). Once this process is completed – the gaseous waste is then delivered back into the wearer’s lungs through a respiratory apparatus.
- 100% self-powered – Rather than rely on batteries and solar cells made from wastefull materials, the GCV is powered completely by human movement. The motion required to power the suit is preformed as a simple bending towards the ground from the waist. The efficency of the suit is dramatically increased with the speed of the bending (also called Eco-bowing) as well as the amount. For instance, a partial bow provides 25% efficiency, while a total bow, with a grabbing of the ankles, provides 100%. EarthPlanetGood Inc. felt that this motion would be the most convenient as it will come in handy at ‘green’ events, as well as standing as a symbol of the wearers dedication to the Earth.
- Vocal Outburst Suppressor – Given the fact that talking and exhaling are a major contributor to a person’s carbon output, the GCV mask has been designed in such a way as to limit and discourage vocal outbursts such as screams, shouts, and unscientific power-point lectures.
- Made from 100% recycled materials – You can wear your GCV with eco-confidence knowing every part was created from a totally sustainable source: dead plants and animals (don’t worry, they died of natural causes). For instance, the Ingesto-Mictural-Defecatory-Resuscitation storage sacks have been woven from various organs such as intestine and bladder tissue. The codpiece is fashioned from bark and woodchips rescued from tree torture mills around the globe.
- Great on Halloween – You can always go to parties as your own eco-Maud’Dib – The mythical hero from Dune.
- Celebrity endorsed – Note this great pic we caught of Al Gore sporting one of our GCV masks at his personal memoir, Eco-Messiah book signing event:
Even ex-sportscasters are getting suited up for the good of our planet.
So the question is, do you really care about the planet? Will YOU take a true step forward to help the environment? Are you truly dedicated to the saving of our Earth from climate-change? Or will you simply buy the products that pretend to be ‘green’ and make you feel good by doing the absolute least possible? Will you be content just doing the bare minimum?
What you Say? Take all your base back!
Don’t be a denier. Get off the way to destruction and get your Gaia-Christo-Verde Suit today!